were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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