Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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