just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
