He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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