come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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