4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
