I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
