Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
