she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
