It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
