remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
