last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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