the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
