oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
