she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
