why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
