It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I see more hoeing in ur future
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize