We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
