home. puking in laundry basket.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
