I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
