see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
