Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
