We got so high we made milksteak
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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