Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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