dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
