gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
