have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize