Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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