Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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