I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize