I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
