I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wish my penis had a tongue
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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