sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
