Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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