Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
