I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
