party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
