Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
