i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
