It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
