Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
