Sry I called you an 8
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize