I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
