if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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