Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
