Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize