he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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