I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize