What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
