someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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