Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
