How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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