I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
