I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize