Well douche your snatch and let's go!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
