I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize