Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
