please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize